collins baptism

today we had collin’s baptism at wesley united methodist church in elreno. its the church my dad works at. he’s the organ/piano player and the same church my older two were baptised in. now when i say baptised im meaning it was our promise as parents to God that we will raise our child in a Godly mannor in hopes he will also become a christian. someday he will decide to become baptised as a young person to show his dedication to Christ as the bible says. the pastor summed it up like this… buildings become dedicated, ships become christened, christians get baptised. makes sense right? we are doing our dedication at Crossings because its pretty much the same idea and at our own church. the pastor at my dads church even wrote collin a letter to open some day when he does get saved and baptised. it was sooo special. he gave him a sea shell because christ used a shell to hold water when he baptised and a blood red rose to remember Christs blood he gave, and the beauty in his gift. items truely from the heart. happy 2 months son! hope the next 1438 are just as good! yes, im planning on him living to 120 :) .

my tank

this is us at my dads wedding on the 31st. our second dance in 5 years.

erick and i

this is my collin. sweetest 10lb chunk.

beautiful baby

sweet collin in daddys hands

HE SMILED AT ME!

its true, my little collin smiled at me. i made some goofy high pitched noise and he looked right at me a smiled. it looked perfect, sweet little gummy smile. i wish i had a pic.

by the way iron man 2, great movie. we took collin and went to the dollar movies. good times!

Birth thorugh Daddy’s eyes

It all started when we woke up the morning of  the induction. Sarah, Dana and I all woke up to eat breakfast down stair at the hotel diner. I fill my plate with biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs and sausage. Very good breakfast in my opinion. After breakfast, we got the van loaded up with all the bags for the birth. We arrived at the hospital a half hour too early. Not a problem, we waited in the waiting room.  Right around 7:30 we were escorted to the LDR(Labor Delivery Room) Room.

She was started on Pitocin around 9:00 @ 1mL per hour. At 9:40, the doctor came in and broke Sarah’s water.  Slowly and gradually, they started increasing the pitocin. 3mL, 5mL, 7mL. Contractions were getting consistent. harder and harder as time went on. Our doula, Marlita, came over and kept us company. I knew we were in for a long haul. Time seemed to go by pretty quickly. The nurse came in frequently, checking vitals and making sure Sarah was comfortable.

When Sarah got checked, we were hoping for the best – 3cm, 4cm? Well, she was barely making any progress. 1.5 cm. Discouragement set in on Sarah when the news came. But the doctor was very happy with the news. Contractions getting harder and closer. Dana, Sarah’s BFF, stayed with us at the hospital. I’m not sure how we got onto the subject, but we started talking about the Twilight Saga. Dana  and Marlita both have read all the books and watched all the movies. And seeing how Sarah and I were both kind of into the movies, we were desperate to hear the ending. We tried to get as much information of the them as we could. No one budged. So, I was thinking, this would be a great opportunity to comfort my wife and hear the ending of the story.  Dana said she could go to Barnes and Noble and pick the last book up for us to read. I thought it was a great idea. I would get to read to Sarah and comfort her with my voice.

Before Dana went to get the book for us, she informed us that she had a Nook, the Barnes and Noble rebuttal  to the Amazon’s Kindle, in her car. She went down and got it from her car. While she was walking back to the room, Dana purchased the book for her nook, $10. Very nice of her. She arrived back to the room and we got started reading. I read out loud in front of Sarah, Dana and Marlita. The story was very good, even though I’m not that good of reader. Sarah began relaxing while I read to her. We do this for probably 4 hrs straight. Contractions very hard.

I had to stop reading when Sarah was getting the “active labor” contractions. Very hard and close together. I could tell she was in pain. I felt bad for her. The doctor came in to check up. He was telling us about the benefits of an epidural. Very good sales man. We asked for the paperwork, not intending to actually use it. Sarah was in a lot of pain now. Starting to have low humming with the contractions. Unbearable. We paged the anesthesiologist.

1.25 hrs later, the anesthesiologist arrived, nice. We needed the epidural, 45 minutes ago. While supporting Sarah during the procedure, my forehead started to sweat. Luckily everybody was out of the room so no one could see. My face grew pale. The nurse kept eyeballing me. She keeps asking if I was OK. I said, “Yep.” But I knew I wasn’t. It wasn’t because of the epidural, though Sarah thinks so. It was because I was standing in one spot for too long. I have this problem dating back from childhood. Any time I stand in one spot for too long without moving, I start to black out. Probably because I lock my knees when I stand still. Anyways, I had to sit down to keep from passing out. I was afraid of what Sarah would think about me doing that. But she didn’t care really.

After the epidural was in and going, the pain started to subside. I kept telling her she was having a contraction. I thought it was cool. No that she was out of pain, we just had some casual conversations that were not interrupted by contractions. I started reading again. Very good book. Several hours went by. Marlita and I started playing Skip-Bo. Good way to pass time.

The doctor came in and said he was wanting to stop the pitocin at 10pm and let Sarah get a good night sleep and continue in the morning. No objections. Sarah was given an Ambien to let her sleep.

Morning comes. Doctor decided not to continue the Pitocin. Sarah was keeping a good pattern by herself. Self sufficient. Sarah got checked again and to our surprise, she was at 4cm. The baby was still pretty high though. -2 station.

As the morning continued, Sarah started to notice pain. Which was weird because we are paying for the pain-free birth with the epidural. It was getting bad again. Like before the epidural. We called the anesthesiologist (jerk) again. He added more medicine. At 7cm now.  Desperately waiting for the pain to go away, Sarah started to hum again.  But the pain never went away. With every contraction increasing with intensity, Sarah was getting scared. She didn’t think she could withstand it for the remainder of the birth.

We noticed that the baby’s heart rate would start to drop with ever contraction and jump back up to normal. The doctor thought that the cord might have been wrapped around the baby somehow. Or pressed against the uterine wall. When Sarah was checked at a 9cm, the nurse noticed that the baby was turned differently than normal. She needed Sarah to get on her hands and knees to help with the baby position change. This was very hard for her. After about an hour on her hands and knees, she flipped back over on her back. The baby positioned better.

Sarah got the urge to push with each contraction. Saying it felt better if she did. I looked down and noticed that something was starting to come out. I was unsure for a brief second but then realized it was the baby’s head starting to crown. Sarah was in so much pain. She was yelling and screaming. I felt so bad for her I started to cry. I could really say anything the entire pushing period. The doctor came in and had his little pep talk with Sarah. Coaching her . Sarah had that baby out in no time. The cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck. I was the first to say the sex of the baby after it was in this new world. BOY!! The cord stopped pulsating and I was able to cut. The baby was put on Sarah’s stomach. He was not much of a crier though. Pretty much content with his surroundings. He knew he wanted out.

9lbs 2oz. Collin Wyatt Marshall was born at 12:22pm on Saturday, July 17th, 2010.

It was a defining moment in my life seeing birth, first hand, the way it was “semi” supposed to be done. I am so proud of Sarah. I think this whole experience has brought our family closer together. I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

i had a baby

erick is reading Dana's Nook

Erick reading Dana's nook, early labor

welcome baby Collin Wyatt Marshall to the world! my sweet 9 lb 2 oz, 20 inches long chunk. he is a MAJOR eater, breastmillk for him. ill tell ya all about the labor and deliver.

so thursday we went to the doc with pains only to find out no change…. 1 cm and 50% effaced. he told us the weight was around 7 1/2- 8 lbs so not really a problem but being 40 weeks and 2 days over due in his mind, he really thought we needed to get baby out. we chose to induce with pitocin as we werent given the option for membrane striping or a cervix ripening gel. he said membrane striping shouldnt be done anymore because of the increased risk of infection and i forgot his reasoning for not trying to ripen my cervix. i was very reluctant to use pitocin as i knew it would increase labor pain and make it more likely that i rupture. keep in mind he is the only doctor that would take me for a vba2c in all of oklahoma and he does have a great rep for successful vbacs.  i put my trust in my husband ( who too was reluctant for the pit but even he felt its time to meet baby) my doctor, and God. i agreed to induction fri morn at 7:30 so we stayed night in tulsa at a near by hotel with my friend Dana and my inlaws who let the kids sleep in their room so we could get some real sleep.

we get to st Francis in tulsa and the induction begins. pain meds were far from my mind. he immediately broke my water which didnt seem like as much as i figured it would be. unfortunately i forgot to pack undies….. i know, who forgets to pack undies and who would wear day old undies to a hospital! thats the one thing that most people dread. well i lost them soon enough any way i was having a baby! my doula showed up and Dana went to the mall to buy me some undies for the trip home. dana willingly got me anything i wanted or needed. many times she ran for ice, water, and even a snow cone. she has a nook that she let erick borrow. i was desperate to know what happened  in the 4thtwilight book but neither the doula nor dana would tell me! erick decided he would read it to me on danas nook. my contractions were painful but it took 9 hrs to get to a 3 and still just 50% effaced. erick did forgot most of the encouraging lines he was taught to feed me during contractions but reading to me was just as good. it was sweet. he was reading to me, very special. oh, he loved playing on the birthing ball. birthing ball didnt always love him.

so after 9 hrs and little change i knew this was going to be a LONG labor. erick was wanting us to get in and out in a 24 hr period but knew that wasnt going to happen. i was only allowed to go to the bathroom and be near the bed. i was hooked up to monitors the entire time because i was considered high risk. boy would i have love a tub to lay in. the pain brought on by the pitocin was unbearable after 9 hrs. i begged for an epidural but because it wasnt the original plan or on my birth plan no one in the room would call for anesthesiologist! i was in tears beginning for them to call the nurse unable to push the button myself. i was being told oh this is transition its almost over. i knew better. i wasnt close to transition but my attitude reflected it. after convincing everyone i couldnt do it anymore with lots of screaming they called for him. 1 1/2 hrs later the dude came….. i got the epidural which took effect immediately. while getting it i was in pain but resting my body against my sweet husband. a nurse muttered the words are you ok. i figured she was asking me but when erick replied he was i looked up. he was turning pale. she asked him again and suggested he sit down. erick tried to be brave for me but i insisted he sit down rather than fall down. he was trying to hang in there so he could support me and thought i would be mad if he sat down. i was worried about him of course i wouldnt be upset if he couldnt handle the sight of the needle. i worried what that meant for the birth. after sitting down and giving his old excuses ( i just had my knees locked too long) he got back up and felt much better. he had been standing in the same spot for a whopping 3 minutes which tipped me off that it was the needle. at that point it was getting night time with still very little progress. dr thompson came in and said when 10:00p.m.  rolls around we are shutting off the pit and he will give me a sleeping pill and insisted dana and the doula, marlita go home while i slept. he said shutting down the pit would clean out receptors and we could start it up again the next morning since ive been laboring all day. i begged for food. i was starving. i dont think people realize how important food is to laboring woman…. i was given jello and beef broth. the idea was that if i eat, needed surgery then threw up i could breath in the vomit, catch pneumonia and die… the odds of all of that happening must have been tiny.  i had a cookie in my bag that i begged for. erick refused to give it to me and im not sure why. as soon as he left the room my doula ran me the cookie. my head ache felt better and i felt so much better to have something on my stomach.

dana went back to the hotel, the doula got called to another birth and erick and i fell asleep. at 3 am i was woken to nurses all around me telling me to turn on my side and taking my temp. my temp was 102 and baby’s heart rate was plummeting with each contraction. i began antibiotics and trying different positions. the idea was that the cord was around the neck and i needed to relieve the pressure. no laying down position worked. i had to sit up. at 5am i woke erick telling him to update the doula. dana came back a little after 6 with breakfast for erick. again…. i could have nothing to eat. at this point i was a 6 at 80% effaced. i still didnt see the end in sight. my pain was nothing more than pressure but the fever was a bother. dr tompson was amazed that i had been contracting through out the night with out the pit. he figured i had enough in my system to keep it going. baby’s heart was still a concern and now i had begun to bleed.  after he checked me he mentioned his concerns. baby was really far back and facing my hip bone rather than tail bone. we needed to get baby to turn so it would come down more. so again i was moving around but this kid was stuck. he would listen to my stomach for sounds of bleeding. he mentioned another c-sec might be needed or forceps. i was really scared not knowing what was wrong with me, that i couldnt have this baby.

by 8 am the epidural had completely ran out. i begged for more and the dude gave me a little shot of something that didnt work. he said no more pain meds. i thought great, the time i need it most to curve the pain of a sideways facing kid and pitocin, i cant have any. all around me i kept hearing well this is what you wanted, all natural…. i got mad. yes i wanted all natural but that kinda flew out the window when i was induced and now working on my 24th hr of labor. no one could understand why it hurt sooo bad. lots of women do it i heard…. i tried not to let it bother me.

labor pains

around 25-26 hrs of labor my nurse came in, said i really need to get this baby down if i didnt want a repeat c-sec. i was bawling like crazy the pain was terrible. they kept making me get into the worst feeling positions and i felt like i was going to die. the pressure on my rectum and the catheter from this kids shoulders was unbearable. blood started to come out of the catheter and again no pain meds at this point. the nurse encouraged me to push with the contractions because i was stuck on a 9 1/2. i grunted screamed and cried. people encouraging me to be quiet and just breath.  encouragement turned into being yelled at to be quiet and if i want this baby out i better do what they say. everyone ment well hoping something they said or did would give me an ah ha moment and i would kick it into gear. i wanted some rest. i wasnt wanting to push because it hurt.  finally the nurse made me lay down as the next contraction came, my sweet nurse turned evil and shoved her hand inside of me to try to turn baby and move the cervix. at that point i was sure people in china could hear my screams for help. i looked at erick who was only inches from my face bawling. looking at him helped me remember why im doing this. i begged her to stop and begged anyone around me to make her stop. after an intire contraction she said there, cervix is moved so push. i was done at that point. no way im pushing after that.

dr thompson came in and the head was showing. the nurse said touch your baby. i could see in the mirror its dark hair. still no way i could push it out because he was still facing the wrong way.  dr thompson sliped his hand in so gently that i could barely feel it. he stretched my perineum and told me to push. i was still crying and trying to do what he said but it was too hard. after a couple of pushes he must have noticed the heart rate drop off and at that point stared me in the eyes and said you have to push it out now. i looked at erick and cried i cant do it any more i give up. i saw he was crying and i instantly felt his love and sympathy for me. something i really needed at that point.  deep breath and push. i wasnt having a contraction but after seeing the seriousness in his face i gave it 2 pushes and out popped this head with lots of blood. sure enough the cord was around his neck. now he wanted baby out because of all the blood. having had 2 c-secs made it more likely i had just ruptured. i gave it one long push and out came the rest of baby. i saw it was a boy and erick announced its a boy! dr thompson wouldnt hand him over, baby wasnt breathing right.

dr thompson kept him near my body and was rubbing and sucking stuff out. it took a while before he was able to hand collin over. i had delivered him sideways!  once i could hold collin it was amazing. the pain was  overwhelming the joy. dr thompson had to place his hand inside of me to feel my scars. he said all is fine. when my new son collin was weighed they said 9lbs 2 oz! WHAT???? you mean i just delivered a giant boy sideways… no wonder it hurt so bad and i bleed so much.

ouch that hurt

i had my instant bond. the love for the child i had just endured so much pain for was over whelming. he had obvious signs of trauma and so did i for that matter but remarkably hardly any tearing requiring only a couple of stitches. his face covered in red busted vessels, his eyes blood shot and his head cone shaped. i was swelling to a crazy point. nurses instantly began pushing on my stomach and applying ice, as well as a shot of a blood clotting drug, worried i could still rupture. my temp was still up. dana made a run to mc d’s for me to grab me a big mac and that instantly fixed my headache.

im in love

to my suprize erick didnt pass out and neither did dana. they were both really proud of me and that meant alot to have 2 people i care about think i did great. after we moved rooms the pain got worse but my fever broke. i washed my own baby and erick and i just stared at him. he instantly latched on eating for an hr at a time. this morning we gave him another bath just to get more nasty off and he had taken i giant poo and peed  freely on my bed but erick caught it with a rag like an old pro. we want to go home today and we are ok. my son brian loves him so much. collin was born on brians birthday. emma will take some time. well its time to feed this kid then shower and hopefully nap.

all smiles

my son

having 3 small kids

well my mom made a comment today that frankley offended me. she said now that i will have a nother baby, my older ones will just have to learn how to play by themselves.  now to understand this comment and the meaning behind it i need to tell you a bit about my mother. she is elderly and grew up in a time without running water, electricity and had to use an out house. she has two younger siblings that werent born close to her age at all. by the time the youngest was a small child and my mom was off to college my grandparents had upscaled to radios, electricity and i believe a tv along with easier rules to follow.  

    so the idea behind her comment was that i wont have time for my older children and my youngest will be favored. outside looking in could seem that way. its hard to imagine one on one time with 3 kids when im just one person. infact without thinking ive even told people that one on one doesnt happen much with the two i have now. honestly it happens all the time! it just took me laying on bedrest to apriciate it because my mind is always so cluttered with chores and money which has been my problem since before i had kids. my son wakes up at 6:30 and from that point till emma wakes at 8:30 i have alone with brian. while they are both up , id say about every 2 min, i have one of them asking “whats that” while they bring me a book, or picture, or dead spider….ewww. most of the time i can sit that child on my lap and explaine what it is and watch as they react to what i say and i ussually get a huge smile or laugh from that child from learning something new.

   if i hold my stomach or put my hands to my head my son comes to me with a huge hug and kiss and say mommy ok? he looks me in the eyes while he waits for my answer and i hug him and let him know how precious he is. typically he will bring me a toy too if he thinks im not ok. i always have a helper for meal time where i show and explaine what im doing and alow one of my kids to help stir and the smiles are heart melting.

emma wakes up an hr before brian does at nap time. we cuddle in my bed and sing songs while waitting for brian to wake but its soo hard on emma to have to wait. she ussually wants to run to his room and push open his door to wake him up to play.

at around a year old its really hard to get a child even an only child to sit still and cuddle. some moms fear the end of the baby stage but im telling you it gets better and better not harder and harder. both kids race to throw away dirty diapers. they give eachother rides in the laundry basket. they build huge towers together and now that we have a tent in our living room they tackle eachother and play peeka  boo.  they help eachother with puzzles. gives kisses for boo boos and the list goes on and on. finnacially its not that hard. i buy bulk wipies at sams for crazy cheap. garage sale clothes or hand me downs… i use good disposable diapers (cloth with the new one) but thats just $90 extra a month. ive only had to increase our grocerie budget by $30 a week. insurance actually gets cheaper per kid. and the amount of joy i get out of seeing the constant smiles is priceless. it wont be harder with another baby, just more fun!

pregnancy dreams oh, and new baby sister

ive had two nights in a row of strange dreams. i cant remember the first one but last nights was a doozy. i dreamed that i woke up in a resort, no big belly and asking for erick. he came to me and said i had the baby (naturally) and it was precious. i couldnt remember having the baby at all! i asked if it were a boy or a girl and erick told me but i immidiatly forgot! he brought it to me and it was dressed in blue with a pink bonnet on… then i look away one second and baby was gone. i was so very out of it and everyone (who i had never met) were eatting pizza and chips while watching a movie. erick was running around filling everyones pepsi and dr peper up. i went to go lay down and thats when i woke up for real. so wierd….

   anyways, in real life im a big sister! thats right im almost 25 and have a newborn sister named callie nicole born 6-1-2010. its my birthfathers daughter and my only sibling. i will have 6 soon to be step siblings though.