and a vision

all day… well really for the past year, ive been asking God to show me how to properly love and teach my children, show me how precious they are and let me see what you see in my children. God does show me daily. but today… randomly as i was watching brian and emma play in there tent while i care for baby collin a vision came to me. it wasnt a scary one, but it was about something scary but i wasnt scared. i saw brian age 20ish, in the army at war and then he was gone… as in i could never hold him or see him again.  now im pretty sure this wouldnt happen because as a mennonite it is my beliefe to only fight for my Lord and nothing else is worth being in war for, BUT, this random vision seemed to come from God. suddenly i looked at my kids differently. i looked at them, like an old woman would. suddenly i fully understood everything word and emmotion that comes from my own mother when she says they grow up so fast. suddenly, i was thirsty for this moment to slow down. as if reality was a dream or a view from my past. just beging that i could drink up this moment to its fullest. i had a perminate smile on my face just watching them tackle eachother. its always been in the back of my mind that tomorrow isnt promised. i write notes to my children individually all the time. with kerry gone its more real… then just now i found out that a sunday school friend has cancer and while reading another friends blog i read heartfelt messages about loving our children. right now in this moment i feel a little scared that im being set up for something but praying that this is simply motive for me to be the best mommy i can be and ill grow happy and old with my ever growing family.

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